Wednesday, February 7, 2018
My Body's Wisdom: Where does the sadness live?
I begin with a question, Where does the sadness live?
I pause, pressing my body in the softness of the floor pillow. I breathe. I wait.
Where does MY sadness live?
Here. Here, as a deep, heavy feeling right between my shoulder blades. It hunches me over; constricts me. It drags me to the floor and onto my back.
A thought…Is this what makes some mornings so difficult? I’m surely not strong enough to carry this weight. I lay still, curled up.
My body contracts, bends, it wants to move this feeling; to unstick it. I stretch long. I roll over onto the pillow, hunched as though I’m wrapped around a birthing ball.
I rock. I moan. I kneel and lean arms reaching up, up, up against the wall letting my belly drop and my back to open.
With each breathe the sadness moves, a contraction of spirit, pushes it up into my throat – tightness, releasing - up to the space between my eyes.
Sadness born as tears and voice. I lift my face. I turn away from the wall. I want my sadness seen.
Eyes closed, rocking.
Stretching out long. Back arching. Shoulders twisting. Opening the constricted places.
Why does sadness live here?
…because this is where your flaw is.
My twisted back? My flaw? No…that is just a thing. The flaw is in feeling, says My Mind…
No, says My Body. There is no flaw in feeling.
My shoulders drop. My fingers touch my cheeks.
Breathe. Move. Breathe. Cry. Move. Move. Cry…breathe.
There is no flaw in feeling.
--Joie Grandbois, 2018
If you'd like to support the Year of Embodiment project please consider becoming a patron