Yeah, so today I cried.

Note: I want to include a reminder here that so many people live daily with the fact that because of some difference such as race, gender, sexual orientation, disability, age, economic status, housing status,there are people who see them as less than. This is not new, and we have so much work to do regarding this. COVID-19 is highlighting so many of the inequalities in our culture and society. Pay attention.

This morning I read one article after another about people  who are refusing to change behavior in the face of the pandemic. I’m not talking about people who don’t have a choice because they have jobs that can’t be done at home. These are people who are just refusing to socially distance themselves because they don’t see the virus as a threat to them personally.

And then I cried.  

I am trying my best to keep as positive an outlook about this as I can.  I’m taking the time to remind myself that there are quite a few things that I have to be grateful for, like still having a job, being well prepared to hunker down at home, having plenty of toilet paper…but I’m also one of the many with an underlying condition that puts me at high risk for complications should I become ill.  

This isn’t new.  I’m at high risk of complications if I get the flu or a cold too.  This is why I get a flu shot every year.  It is why I wash my hands very regularly.  It is why I do my best to eat healthy, get enough sleep, stay hydrated, basically keeping my body and immune system as healthy as I can because if I do fall sick, I want my body to be as strong as possible so it can fight it off.  

And if I can’t fight it off, I can generally call my doctor, or if things are really, really bad, the emergency room, and get help.  I will get a breathing treatment and whatever else might be deemed medically necessary. 

Today it’s different.  It’s different because this virus is new, and we don’t yet have any kind of immunity to it.  It also turns out that people who are infected but are also asymptomatic, are more contagious that those who are obviously sick.  

Today, if I get sick there is a good chance that I will find myself facing a long wait to get in touch with my doctor, or an ER that is overwhelmed by other people in circumstances similar to mine. There is a good chance that needed treatment will be delayed or unavailable. 

So when I read that there are people not practicing social distancing, who are going out to bars, who are traveling unnecessarily, who are saying because this only impacts the elderly and infirm they don’t need to take precautions, I cried.  

I cried because there are so many who will unnecessarily fall ill because people couldn’t be bothered to care.

I cried because I don’t know how to fix this. 

I cried because it’s really hard to live with the knowledge that you don’t matter to people.

I cried because I felt powerless. 

Today is going to be a more difficult day. I’m implementing my emotional self-care measures, one of which is expressing what is going on for me emotionally, so thank you for reading.  I’m going to focus on getting my work done, working on the online Ostara ritual that I’m co-hosting later this week, and continuing to do all the things I need to do to stay healthy. 

I’m reminding myself that most of the people I know seem to be doing their best to minimize spreading this virus and that there are caring people in the world.  

Be well everyone.

Please take care of yourself.  

Please take care of one another. 

Please stay home as much as possible.

Please be kind.

Let those you love know how you feel.

And of course, please wash your hands.