This morning I attended a phone meeting for a group I’ve
been a part of off and on for about a decade. This group has a pretty solid
structure for how it runs. It begins with
a check-in, sharing of readings for focus, and then things are opened up for personal
sharing. When someone shares there is no
response from other members of the group outside of the moderator thanking
them.
It was no surprise to me that the main focus of people’s
sharing was the C19 pandemic. A lot of
anxiety and fear were expressed, frustration with glitches in the transition to
working from home, and thoughts on how each person was finding ways to cope. No
one is required to share, and I actually chose not to. I just listened.
For reasons I’m not going to get into here, I carry a lot of
shame around the expression of certain emotions. Anxiety is one of the big ones. One of my
coping mechanisms when I am stressed or anxious is to shift my focus onto something
external. Sometimes this takes the form of trying to solve everyone else’s
problems because it feels safer than acknowledging what is going on with myself,
and other times (as it has now) I will take a deep dive into studying whatever
the issue is convinced that knowing more will ease my anxiety. What actually usually happens is that I eventually
become overwhelmed which causes me to either burn out or shut down.
This morning, as I sat there listening to other people share
their stories without responding or offering advice, I realized how much I
needed to have a moment where all I had to do was listen. I wasn’t trying to
solve anything, fix anything, or educate myself on something. I was just listening. And slowly, as the stories progressed, I
found my body relaxing. Tension was released
from my shoulders, my hands unclenched, and my breathing slowed.
I also took a lot of comfort knowing that others are feeling
the same things. My feelings of shame
around being in a state of anxiety and fear dissipated. As I write this I feel present in my body for
the first time in days.
There is something so valuable in being able to share how
you feel and not getting a response other than acknowledgement. No advice. No judgement. No assessment. And there is something equally powerful,
though different, in being the one who listens without trying to fix it.
I hope each of us is able to find places to do this today
and in the coming days.
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