Right now I am okay

Not being able to breathe is one of my great fears. As an asthmatic I have had the experience of not being able to draw enough air into my lungs no matter how hard I try. I have been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance due to a case of bronchitis that overwhelmed my body and lung’s ability to keep up. It should be no surprise that Covid19 has had me more than bit freaked out. My body and mind have been on high alert.

Saturday morning I began actively trying to calm my mind and my body down. I’ve been deep breathing, meditating, dancing, and moving. I’m checking in with my body regularly. I have relegated my news times to twice a day – early in the morning and just about lunch time just after the Maine CDC does their daily briefing. I’m writing in my journal as much as I remember to.  And of course, there are these blog posts. 

Yesterday, after five days of this work, felt like the first day that I could think clearly in nearly two weeks. My brain finally felt like it had room for something other than simmering anxiety and worry.  I was able to begin working through the backlog of tasks that had piled up while my brain was preoccupied. 

The worry and fear are still there, but they are not overwhelming. Right now, I am okay.  

I don’t know the future, but right now, I am okay. 

I can’t predict that even with all the measures we are taking here that I won’t get sick, but right now, I am okay. 

I may very well have a panic attack tomorrow, but right now I am okay. 

Right now is the only thing I can measure.

Right now is the only moment I have.

Right now, I am okay. 

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Be well.
Take care of yourself.
Take care of one another.
Stay home as much as possible.
Be kind.
Let those you love know how you feel.
And of course, please wash your hands.