Turning 50 - Anger

 

 

I'm turning 50 in about two weeks and I'm angry. 

I'm angry I'm still doing the things that I should be instead of the things I want. 

I'm angry that there is still this deeply planted seed inside of me that says I don't deserve to want.

I'm angry that I still can't bring myself to confront those who planted it there. 

I'm angry that even now, saying "yes" feels unsafe. 

I'm angry that when asked to give an adjective about myself 

the 

first 

word 

that 

comes 

to mind 

is 

selfish.